A few years ago I was a big fan of CDWM, and because I love to cook I always wanted to be on it. This was Series 1 & 2 time you understand, a time at which the cooking rather than the bitching between contestants was central to the programme.
My husband always told me it would be a bad idea - and how right he was !
One day I heard an advert calling for contestants in my area, so I emailed in saying I was interested. Two days later I had a phone interview, the following Monday I was asked if they could come to my house to do the audition tape Wednesday that week and the snowball had started careering out of control.
They get you to a sign a five page contract on the day they do the audition tape, and of course in your naivety you blindly sign your life away. And sign your life away your do, plus you soul, plus your reputation. It basically gives them the right to do whatever they want and they most certainly do.
Two weeks later I was told I was "in" and a week later the cameras rolled. Now let me tell you a few facts - and I can as the gagging order you sign only last for the six months after your programme first airs, no super injunctions here.
1. The producers have in mind for you a role that you will be playing, they will then do everything to make you fit into that role.
2. Linked to this is the fact that when they ask you questions, you are told to answer the question with the same wording, with the reasoning that the viewers won't have heard the question being asked. YES, they literally put words in your mouth. They might then ask the same questions several times, telling you to make it longer, shorter, etc until they have the sound bite they need.
3. They cut down about 60 hours worth of tape to the programmes you see, so they have plenty of choice as to how to portray you.
4. At the dinner table, people are given topics that they might 'like' to talk about when the cameras are rolling.
5. Only one person is allowed to talk at a time (unlike at normal dinner parties) as otherwise the cameras can't keep up.
6. There are LOOOOOONG breaks between the courses as people go off and get interviewed. So when you see dessert being served at 1 am it is often not the host's fault. With only one camera crew available things take time.
7. Most evenings finished at about 2.30 am. On my night the crew left at 5 am !
8. When you are cooking, you are not allowed to let things flow naturally, you often have to repeat what you are doing. So for instance, I had to take onions out of the pan and start again, stir with my left rather than my right, take all my shaped bread rolls and reshape them.
9. People do not turn up randomly at your door. The production team sends taxis about 2 hours before filming starts. Every contestant then sits in their own taxi outside the host's house and the production team decides which order you go into the house in. I ended up taking a book with me, as some nights you sat there for over an hour.
10. Similarly the cab home is just a set. There is one black cab, with the film crew in it. You get in, they go round the block at 20 miles an hour, you do a short, medium and long version of your scores, then get kicked out into your waiting mini cab.
11. And the biggest disappointment to most people when you tell them - NO ONE SNOOPS ROUND YOUR HOUSE. The film crew agrees with the host beforehand which areas of the house may be visited. The production crew then picks two people from the guests to go to a certain part of the house, tells you what to look at, and tells you to make a comment on it.
12. Your menus have to be finalised and sent in before the programme starts, you do not get told about people's preferences, whether they are vegetarian or have allergies - this is why sometimes there is a problem with the food. For instance, I have an allergy but no-one told the other hosts, who had to change some of their food on the hop.
So, if you like being manipulated, having your character scripted for you, and losing 6lbs in a week because of the stress, audition for CDWM, otherwise stay away. And remember, this will follow you for the rest of your life - as so far for instance, my edition has been repeated 6 times. Even my friends and family no longer comment on me being on TV again, 'coz they are bored with it.
Oh, and 'yes' you will get recognised in the street/shop/ France ( the latter was funny ! ) and people will write about you in blogs and on forums, which means that the whole thing is very character building and you will quickly develop a thick skin.
I for one, have had enough of being on TV, and although I have been asked to audition for other shows, I have gracefully declined.
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